Searching For What We Lost
by davis-baker
Summary: “I know.” He tried to keep his voice steady. He wanted to be the stronger one in all this and let her know that he was here to listen. “But I need you to talk to me, okay? You can’t block me out. We have to work through this together.” BL!R&R!Chapter16!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Don't hate me for starting a new story! I know I shouldn't be, but I've just had this idea on my mind, and it wouldn't stop bothering me until it was written. **

**Let me know if I should continue, okay??**

**Thanks people! REVIEW!**

**Enjoy!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 1 -

--Two Months Earlier--

The window in the room was opened, and she was on the bed bundled with tons of blankets which were not only protecting her from the cold, but from the world, too. The world had become a cruel place for her to be in in the past week, and it hurt too much.

She pressed her face harder into the pillow, not caring she was messing up her make-up and hair in the process, and that her clothing was becoming wrinkled.

Crying was the only thing that made any sense. And for the meantime, it seemed to help. She just wanted to be alone and cry.

Footsteps appeared, causing her sobs to calm down a bit, though they were still in existence...closer, closer, closer.

"Brooke." The voice was stern, but it still had the ability to sound soft. "Brooke." Her name was repeated. "People are here to pay their respects, you can't keep yourself locked up in this room."

"You weren't there." Her voice croaked. It was more raspy than usual due to the massive amounts of crying she had done. "You weren't there when he needed you, Luke."

Lucas's posture straightened; he fixed his tie before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

He knew that. He wasn't there, as she had reminded him countless times since the incident. He wasn't there, and he was walking around each day living with that. "I know." He tried to keep his voice steady. He wanted to be the stronger one in all this and let her know that he was here to listen. "But I need you to talk to me, okay? You can't block me out. We have to work through this together."

Silence filled the room. It wasn't an awkward silence, though. It was a silence full of shame and grief.

"Damn it, Brooke. This affects me just as much as it does you! You need to open up and talk! Or do something! Because sitting here like this is not going to make matters any better. And I know that what we went through is so horrible, and nobody should have to go through it...but it happened. And we can't ignore it!"

--Present--

Brooke looked up from the magazine that was occupying her hands. Children were running around, playing on the jungle gym, and swinging on the swing sets.

Coming home was one of the hardest decisions she had to make in her life. It was the right thing, though.

California with Peyton had been great while it lasted. It gave her a clean slate, but it was time to stop running away from fears and problems now.

"Mama!" It was a child's voice; a small young boy. "Mama, come look!" And for a split second she was thrown back two months ago.

"_Mama, come look!" __He had blonde hair and blue eyes, just like his father. _

"_Not now, babe. Mama's busy. Why don't you get a head start and I'll meet you out there, buddy?" _

"_Alright." He sighed after his mother ruffled his head full of hair. "But don't take too long." _

A ball bounced right in front of her face, an inch away from hitting her.

The boy from before quickly rushed to retrieve it. "I'm sorry." He said timidly. His hair was blonde, eyes blue. This boy reminded her of her own little boy.

Without another thought, she quickly stuffed the magazine in her bag, tossed it on her shoulder, and left the bench she had been sitting on.

"I said I was sorry." The boy said to his mother as Brooke quickly walked away from it all.

It was too much to handle.

The thought, the memory...it was all too much.

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Lucas was greeted with the sound of a basketball dribbling against concrete as he made his way further down the Scott driveway.

"J. Luke, what's up, man?"

"Hi, uncle Lucas!" The five-year-old dropped the orange ball to give his uncle a hug. "I was just practicing 'cause daddy and I are having a one on one game later. Wanna come and watch?"

"Sure, buddy. Where's mom and dad?"

"In the kitchen."

"Thanks, I'll be right back." He clapped his nephew on the back before advancing towards the back door of Nathan and Haley's house.

Stepping inside, he expected to be greeted with the warm house-y feeling he had always been greeted with when there. It was a feeling he missed lately in his own home.

Except this time, it wasn't that warm house feeling. Much different, and much darker.

"Nate, what's going on?"

Nathan sat at the kitchen island, both hands wrapped around a hot mug of coffee.

He sighed deeply. "Look, man, I want to make sure you're calm before I tell you this–."

"What is it?" His face fell. This wasn't good.

"Hey, Nathan, I was just wondering if mayb–." Haley stopped dead in her tracks once Lucas came into sight. "Oh, hey, Lucas. I wasn't expecting you."

She sounded nervous, and that made Lucas even more concerned. "Guys, what's going on?"

Things were going horrible lately, and another disaster would just be the icing on the cake.

"I was running errands the other day, and I was in the supermarket, ya know, looking for those cookies Jamie loves so much–."

"Haley, please..." Lucas pleaded. "Just tell me." He didn't want to hear any stories or jokes...just the truth, straightforward.

"Okay, um,..." She cleared her throat, preparing for her next sentence. "I...I ran into Brooke, Luke. She's back...I mean, I don't know if she saw me, I think she did. She pretty much ran out of the store before I got a chance to confront her, but I definitely saw her..."

"Oh my god." His knees beneath him buckled and he felt like he was about to throw up. "I don't...I don't know what to think...or say..." He was speechless. Brooke, his wife whom he hadn't seen in weeks, was back.

"I just thought you should know before she showed up at your doorstep..." Haley trailed off and moved closer to her best friend.

To say she was worried about him would be an understatement; she was beyond worried.

"God." He mumbled, running his hands over his face.

Brooke was back.

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**A/N - I know this was pretty short, but I wanted to just introduce it. I'm pretty sure most other chapters will be longer. But then again long chapters are never my forte so we'll see ;) . **

**BTW, I know there are probably some questions, but they will be answered as the story progresses (that is if you review and tell me you want me to continue!).**

**With that said, please let me know if you liked it...or if you didn't.**

**And yes, this is BRUCAS, of course!**

**On another note, how'd everyone like the new episode?? I felt so bad for Brooke! **

**Okay, enough of my rambling, leave a review please!!**

–**Melissa**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Hello!! **

**I'm glad a lot of you like the new story!! And don't worry, all your questions will be answered as time goes on!**

**Thanks: **othfan326, onetreehillgirl066, classifieds215, bd-ls-islove, Kajal, Polia, bibleboymary4ever, BDavis427, brucas333, MissUnderstood92, brucas3, Brucasxo4ever, CheerandBrood323, chebelle, **and **Brooke D.

**Enjoy chapter 2!! Review, too, please!! :)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 2 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"Brooke, come on. The limo's here."

It had been a rough week, and Lucas knew things were only going to get a lot worse. His wife was dying inside, and it was killing him that he couldn't do a thing to help her. After all, he was definitely suffering, too.

He wanted the two of them to be able to talk about it together...talk about their feelings...talk about what had happened.

Brooke had other plans, though. And because of that, he had to stay strong for the two of them, and bottle up his emotions in the meantime.

"Brooke?"

He still got no answer.

Walking down the hallway, he examined the walls, the bare walls. Only a few days ago they were lively and were covered with pictures.

Now they were bare and boring.

He stepped into their bedroom, and wasn't surprised to find his wife in there crying on the bed. She had basically lived in that room since it happened.

"Brooke, we need to go."

"I'm not going." Her voice was almost inaudible, but he heard. "I can't."

He sighed, and closed his eyes. He didn't want to go either. Who would? But they both needed to.

"Oh, Brooke." She was making it so difficult to even begin to deal with what was going on with their lives, and it had been difficult enough to begin with. "We need to go, babe."

"I can't. I can't, it's my fault. It's all my fault."

She cried. He wanted to cry with her.

Her body shook. He wanted to hold her in his arms.

She closed her eyes that stung from the tears. He watched with sad eyes.

"No. Nobody blames it on you." He rubbed his face with his hands, and wiped his eyes. "It is not your fault, okay? But we...we need to go."

"I can't."

After staring off into space for a few seconds, he nodded his head and got off the bed. "Fine." He wasn't in the mood to fight with her. Not now, anyway. "But if you change your mind, you know where to go."

He was disappointed. Disappointed in his wife, and disappointed in himself. She should have agreed to come, and he shouldn't have given up trying on her.

He got outside, and got into the limo.

He was dying inside, too. Just like his wife.

They were slowly dying together. Just like their son.

--Present Time--

"Luke, are you alright? I didn't mean to get you worried or scared or anything..."

"I know, I know. It's just...a lot to process, I guess." Lucas explained, his eyes still wide in shock. "I mean, what am I even supposed to say to her after all this time? 'Hey, what's up?'" He shook his head. This was too surreal.

"I...I don't know." Haley responded, and Nathan took her hand in his, rubbing it comfortingly. They, too, were speechless. They were concerned about Brooke just as much as Lucas had been. "Well, at least we know she's okay. We all spoke to Peyton that one time, and she said she was going to be alright."

"And how the hell would Peyton know?" Lucas nearly shouted, outraged. "That woman hadn't seen my wife in years before Brooke went to live with her two months ago. We're the ones that all saw how she was, not Peyton...Brooke needed help. And fleeing to California to stay with an old friend and getting a tan wasn't exactly the therapy I had in mind for her." He finished off angrily. Brooke had been a total, complete mess. He groaned in frustration thinking about it all. "I'm sorry, it's just...I don't know what to do. She just flat out left when things got its worst. And now that she's back,...I just don't know what to think or what to do."

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Her feet slowly made their way onto their lawn. The house still looked the same as it had looked two months ago, except the garden was now adorned with taller, and healthier looking flowers.

Her car was still parked in the driveway, in the same exact spot she had left it.

His car, however, wasn't there, and she thanked god for that, because that meant he wasn't home. She'd have more time to think of what she was going to say to him.

Walking further, her heart dropped. This was where it happened. This was where her life practically ended.

"_Is he gonna be okay?" She choked out._

"_Miss, we need you to take a step back." One of the paramedics stepped in and held their arms out to prevent Brooke from going any further._

_Her hand covered her mouth as she watched the scene unfold in front of her._

_This couldn't be happening. _

She blinked and then the memory faded out. It was gone. Just the way she liked it. A blank mind, free of the nightmares.

Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket, and without looking, she already knew who it was.

Peyton.

She just left her without notice, just like she had done two months ago with Lucas.

Brooke waited until the phone stopped vibrating before taking it out of her pocket.

_1 new voice mail_

Erase.

If only she were able to erase the past two months of her life as easy as it was to erase a message on a phone.

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"Hey, buddy." Lucas breathed in and placed a small orange ball on the ground next to the headstone. He was propped up on his knees, one hand playing with the rubber ball, the other running over the inscribed words on the stone.

_Alexander Nathan Scott _

He was only four years old. A small boy, full of energy and life and already at a young age, an interest in basketball, had his life taken from him.

"I think mommy's back in town. I'm sure she'd love to come visit you...but it's just a little hard for her. She does love you, though, Alex. We both always will." His voice cracked towards the end of his sentence and his face was then buried in his hands.

He hated crying because that made it seem all the more real. The same reason why Brooke had never once visited the grave.

It made everything feel one hundred times more real, and it made them have to come to terms with it all. Alex really was dead and he and Brooke were more broken apart than ever before.

Nothing would ever be the same again. And they both weren't ready for that big of a change.

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She had been sitting on the front steps for an hour and a half, and in that time she had almost given up and ran away. Three times.

She had almost decided to call car service to take her to the airport for a flight back to California. Two Times.

But everytime she had gotten up, or had taken out her cell phone ready to dial, she would think of her son. And Lucas.

And then she'd think of herself and thought of what was best for her. And as much as she tried to deny everything and pretend like things didn't happen, there was a part of her that knew it did, and knew she needed help.

Headlights bursted out from the corner of the street, and she felt her throat begin to close up, her eyes begin to tear.

Seeing Lucas was one story, but talking to him...that would be completely different.

The next few seconds felt like a blur until she saw his full figure appear in front of her.

He looked just as surprised and just as scared as she did.

"Hi." Her voice was weak and sounded tired.

He didn't say anything.

Silence overtook the air.

She was still sitting, and he was still standing.

Time to face the truth.

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**A/N - So there's the next chapter! I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please review!! Thanks a bunch!**

**(Also, I'm working on the next chapter of 'What's True', so expect that fairly soon. And yesterday I updated 'Finding My Way Back'.)**

–**Melissa**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been pretty busy! **

**Thanks: **othfan326, Brooke D., Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, bd-ls-islove, c.j., onetreefan, evergloweyes, Team Davis-Scott, BrOoKe DaViS23, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, brokeback kami '-', onetreehillgirl066, brucas3, chebelle, **and **BDavis427.

**Enjoy and PLEASE review!!**

**Thanks!!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 3 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"Lucas." Haley breathed in, wrapping her arms around him.

She hated seeing her two best friends like this. Seeing them so broken and seeing them have to go through such a tragedy...And the worst part was there was nothing for her to do to help them.

Lucas didn't react to her hug, and just stood there numb.

Numb.

It was how he had been feeling since it happened.

Nothing anybody could say or do would be able to fix this.

"I'm gonna go in and talk to her. Okay?" Haley pulled away and wasn't surprised to see that Lucas's eyes were not on her's. They were staring off into the sky, not at anything in particular. He wanted to be taken away from this all...but that was impossible.

She gave him a final hug, looked back at Nathan who was holding Jamie in his arms, and then walked up to the house, giving the door a push.

"Uncle Lucas?" Jamie asked and didn't wait for a response from his uncle. "Why is Aunt Brooke sad? Is it because of Alex?" The young five-year-old didn't really understand what had been going on with his family. All he understood was that his cousin and best friend wasn't there anymore.

And that question just made Lucas want to escape everything even more.

Inside, Haley walked down the hallway and was pleasantly surprised to find out that Brooke wasn't in bed, like she had always been since it happened. She was sitting at the kitchen table. She still wasn't doing anything, though. She was just sitting there. But it was an improvement.

"Hey, Brooke." Haley walked closer and decided to take a seat next to the brunette.

Just like Lucas, she didn't respond. "You're gonna be okay, Brooke. You and Lucas. It's just going to take a lot of time to heal. You guys need to talk it out."

Truth was, Haley wasn't sure they were going to be okay. Losing a child would have to be one of the most tragic experiences a family could go through.

Fortunately, Nathan and Haley had not gone through anything like that. And Lucas and Brooke definitely did not deserve it.

"How do you know?" Brooke finally said, her voice dripping with anger and coldness. "Don't you dare tell me that it's going to be okay. You don't know anything." Brooke still wasn't looking at Haley, but Haley could tell from her voice that she was on the verge of tears. "You still have your son."

--Present Time--

"You can't just ignore me." She had followed him inside the house, just as he had suspected she would.

"And why not?" It was the first few words he had said to her since their interaction. He would have preferred to ignore her and just have the silence envelope the two, but what she said got to him. "Because if I remember correctly, two months ago, ignoring everything was what you had been doing." His words stung into her, and suddenly she had wished he had stayed quiet and continued on ignoring her. "Oh, and by the way, how was California?"

"Okay, now that's not fair."

"Not fair? Not fucking fair?! You want to talk about what's fair and what's not? How 'bout the fact that you goddamn up and left after ignoring everything that was going on? You didn't want to deal with it!" He threw his hands up in frustration.

"I couldn't be here anymore, Lucas." She mumbled and wiped her eyes and tear-stained cheeks. All his yelling was beginning to scare her, but it was her fault that he was angry. "It was too hard."

"Too hard?" He asked incredulously. "And it wasn't hard for me? You don't think I was suffering? You were too busy locking yourself up! Blocking yourself off from everybody! And you couldn't see that I was suffering, that I was in pain! But I was pretending to be strong for you, Brooke. And then you left..." He trailed off with the shake of his head. He looked over at Brooke who was completely sobbing by now.

But for some reason he didn't care. She was the one that left, she was the one that didn't want to deal with anything. And now that she was back, she was going to have to.

"I needed you. I needed my wife to be there. And you should have needed me, too, Brooke. We should have been dealing with it together, crying together!" It wasn't until he felt his damp cheeks that he realized he had been crying. He looked around the room, taking in the sounds of Brooke's cries. "I—I can't do this." He wiped his eyes, threw on a sweatshirt over his body and left the house, leaving a broken Brooke inside.

_Brooke closed her sketch book, happy she was finally done with her new designs. She looked out the window, expecting to see her son there, playing basketball with his mini-basketball hoop._

_Except he wasn't there. _

_Quickly getting out of her seat, she ran to the backdoor in the kitchen that led to the backyard. _

"_Alex?" He wasn't there either. "Alex?!" _

_She ran through the house, now to the front and out the door, and she nearly fainted at what was before her eyes. _

"_Oh my god, Alex!" _

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With two rings of the doorbell, Haley opened the door to reveal a distraught-looking Lucas.

"Lucas, what's wrong?" Lucas had been over their house only an hour ago, and she could already tell something had definitely happened in that time.

"I...I don't know what to do." He admitted, running his hands through his short hair. "I saw her...and...and I just don't know what to do."

"Okay, come in, let's talk." Haley motioned him inside, closing the door once he got in. "You saw her?"

"She was waiting outside when I got home...and I just totally blew up at her." He sounded helpless, and Haley wanted nothing more than to help him.

"God, Haley...I'm just so lost."

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**A/N - Sorry to leave you guys with such a short chapter; I just really wanted to get something out for you guys!**

**And I'm sure you're all still wondering what happened to Alex; don't worry, you'll find out soon!**

**LEAVE A REVIEW! THANKS!**

–**Melissa**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Hey! Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter. They were great and they were the most this story has recieved so far! So please keep it up!**

**Thanks: **BrOoKe DaViS23, Squealing Lit. Fan, othfan326, erikax3, CheerandBrood323, hoeoverbros, Brooke D., Mosie1213, bd-ls-islove, Princesakarlita411, brucas3, TeamxxBrucasxx, Team Davis-Scott, onetreefan, chebelle, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, BDavis427, TreeHillDreams, Sophia-Chad, **and **brucas333.

**Enjoy and leave a review please! (It's my birthday today so be sure to leave lots and lots of great reviews!!)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 4 -

--Two Months Earlier--

The computer screen's light illuminated the darkened house late at night.

Brooke's eyes scanned the screen once again.

A ticket for a flight to California.

That was what she needed.

An escape. An escape from all the pain she had dealt with recently. And leaving town for a little bit seemed to be the perfect solution to her problem.

She leaned back in the chair, contentedly listening to Lucas's soft snores from the next room over. She knew that it wasn't just she that was this way; Lucas had been dealing with the same pain she had been. But for some reason, she didn't know how to deal with that pain as he had.

Lucas asked her, begged her even, to open up. To talk. He said they should talk about it, otherwise they wouldn't get anywhere. He was right about one thing; she wasn't getting anywhere.

She'd spend all hours of the day sitting at home -mostly in bed- and would only get up when Lucas was asleep, in hopes of avoiding him. And maybe he was right, maybe she was this way because they weren't talking...But it was too hard for Brooke to talk about anything lately. Because everything would remind her of him.

Deciding that this was what she wanted, Brooke picked up the phone and her fingers numbly dialed a number. It was late in Tree Hill, but with the time difference, it was more than likely that the other person on the other end of the line would still be up.

Brooke nervously bit her lip as the phone rang and rang. When finally, to her relief, someone picked up.

"Hello?"

"Peyton...it's me, Brooke."

--Present Time--

"Uncle Lucas!" Jamie ran into the room to find his mother talking with Lucas. "You came back! Do you wanna see me and daddy play?"

"Uh, Jamie, your Uncle Lucas is sorta busy right now. Why don't you and daddy go and practice?" Haley bent down to her son's level and spoke.

"But I wanted Uncle Luke to watch us."

"Hey, buddy, I'll come watch you later, alright? Me and your mommy just have to talk about a few things." Lucas tried to speak as soft as he could and tried his best not to show his young nephew that he was upset.

"Okay." Jamie mumbled and walked out of the room. Once he left, Lucas's face turned back into a worried state and all his stress once again returned.

What was he going to do?

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Her eyes, sore and tired from all the crying she had done, opened. At first she was confused, and didn't remember where she was.

But then it dawned on her.

She had come back home.

Two months of living in California with Peyton and now she was back.

She soon realized the house was the same as she left it. Cold. The whole atmosphere was cold. And un-welcoming. And that was how it was after that terrible tragedy.

Lucas had changed, though, unlike the house. Before, he was understanding and as frustrating as it was, he gave her the space and time that she needed to cope. Now he wasn't so understanding and it seemed to her, he could care less about what she did to cope with what happened.

She had made her choice of what to do, and that was leaving. He didn't want to be apart of that.

She pulled her knees up to her chin, and wrapped her arms around them. Maybe coming home wasn't the best idea.

"_Brooke...Brooke, what's going on?" Lucas came into the waiting room disheveled and spotted the brunette out almost immediately. _

_He had been at work when he recieved the call from Brooke. She had been hysterical crying, and didn't go into too much detail, so it was pretty hard to understand what was going on. He left his office as quick as he could, and rushed to the hospital, running every red light. _

_Brooke got up from her seat, and went into a fresh round of hysterics. _

"_I don't know." She cried and buried her face into Lucas's chest. "I was right there, I was right inside. And then...I don't know what happened. He was playing basketball...and it's all my fault. And now they're not telling me anything..." _

Her eyes snapped open and just like that, the memory was gone. The ongoing nightmare that she had been reliving everytime she closed her eyes disappeared.

It was times like those she remembered why she had left in the first place. It was too much to handle and she needed a cooling off period. And if she hadn't left, things would probably be much worse than they were now...and they were still pretty bad now.

The night it all happened, she lived in denial. She pretended nothing happened, and even imagined that her son was just staying over a friend's house that night. They were going to watch movies and play video games, and then he'd come back the next day and tell her all about it.

Except he never came back home.

And that's when it starting sinking in.

He was never going to be coming back home.

And soon enough, she was having those memories; in her sleep, and even during the daytime when she was spacing out. And she couldn't talk to Lucas about that because then he'd probably think she was some crazy person and send her off to a looney bin because she was having those weird dreams. And then it just made sense to ignore Lucas completely at that stage in the game. There was no point of talking to him about it because they'd both just get upset again. And it wasn't like that would even fix anything.

Nothing was going to fix it.

It was all screwed up. And Brooke would be the first person to admit that.

And that's when she decided to pack her bags and jump on a plane to visit her old friend. Just like that.

The door from downstairs opened and closed abruptly shaking Brooke out of her thoughts.

He had come back.

She firmly pulled the bed comforter closer around her body and waited, listening as the steps grew closer and closer.

She looked away from the doorway when he finally appeared in it.

After talking to Haley, he realized what he needed to do, and also what he wanted to do.

And that was to have a long conversation with his wife about everything; a conversation that was long overdue.

"I'm sorry." He spoke, breaking the silence. His voice was much kinder than it had been earlier, and this caused her to look up.

"For what?" Her voice cracked. "You didn't do anything...I did."

"Yeah. But I shouldn't have pressured you so much...I should've given you more time."

"That wouldn't have helped, Lucas. And you know that." She shook her head doubtfully.

"So...what now?" He didn't know what else to say. No word or sentence would be able to make this go away.

"I think...I think I need to leave again."

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**A/N - Mean cliffhanger?? I know...**

**Is Brooke really gonna leave again?? Hmm...Idk, leave a review and maybe you'll find out sooner ;)**

**And like I said before, it's my 14****th**** b-day today so you know what would make awesome presents?? Your reviews!! **

**Thanks!!**

–**Melissa**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Hey guys! Sorry my updates have been pretty slow. Oh, and also, incase you're confused as to why my pen-name is different, well, it's 'cause I changed it. Obviously lol. I was feeling in a very Brucas-y mood so I decided to make a brucas name. :)**

**Thanks: **MissUnderstood92, onetreefan, dolcegrazia, Brooke D., CheerandBrood323, BrOoKe DaViS23, brookenlucas4eva03, hoeoverbros, Mosie1213, othfan326, BandL4eva, Team Davis-Scott, chebelle, brucas3, Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, bd-ls-islove, onetreehillgirl066, brucas333, tanya2byour21, BDavis427, **and **BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE. **Thanks so, so, so much!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 5 -

--Two Months Earlier--

The sun's rays peered through the blinds in the bedroom. Lucas groaned and rolled over, not anxious at all to start a new day. Every morning started this way, and truthfully he didn't see it getting better any time soon.

It was no surprise that when he opened his eyes, the spot on the bed next to him was vacant. Brooke hadn't been getting any sleep in the past few days. But Lucas was thankful that she was finally up and out of bed, unlike the first few days after it had happened.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up in bed.

Was it always going to be this way from now on? Was it always going to be so hard to get out of bed? Was Brooke always going to be so distant?

He threw the blankets off of his body and stood up, stretching a bit to make sure he was fully awake.

The house was quiet, as it always was in the morning, but this was a different type of quiet. He expected to find Brooke in the living room, lying down on the couch, half asleep when he walked down the staircase. This was where he'd been finding her in the mornings recently.

Except he didn't see her on the couch half asleep, or in the living room at all.

"Brooke?" He called out, walking towards the kitchen, thinking maybe she'd be in there.

Instead he found a piece of notepad paper scribbled on, and it was signed by Brooke in a disheveled manner.

"Oh no."

--Present Time--

Her eyes closed and her whimpers died down a bit as she tried containing herself so she would be able to speak. She couldn't believe what she was about to say.

"I think...I think I need to leave again."

Brooke knew that what she said probably didn't make any sense to Lucas. But to her, it did.

Even as she was waiting to board the plane a few days prior, she knew coming home was a huge mistake and it would inevitably lead to disaster. But she found it in herself to muster up all the strength she could find within her, and she decided to fly back across the country where she felt she needed to be...But now...now she wasn't so sure anymore.

"What?" He spoke. "Why?...You can't." He said, and at that point, his voice was faltering in and out just like hers was. "Why?" He repeated in a more steady tone.

"It's too hard." She shook her head and looked away from him, hiccupping through her tears. "I can't do this...And you don't want me here either."

"I never said that, Brooke. I never once said I didn't want you here with me. Because I do." He paused and sighed deeply. "But what about before? What about then, Brooke? When you were gone, when you weren't here...And you think it's hard now, two months after the fact? How hard do you think it was for me to deal with this alone...without my wife? How about when I had to bury my own son? Alone."

Alone.

Lucas was in Tree Hill while Brooke was in California. And though they had other friends surrounding them, Peyton for Brooke and Nathan and Haley for Lucas, they were still apart for those two months and never in either one of their lives had they felt any lonelier than they had been feeling during that time.

"I mean, you didn't even go to his funeral, Brooke."

"I know." She sobbed and looked down, too ashamed to look at her husband. She hadn't gone to their son's funeral and just the thought of that made her feel even more guilty about everything. "I know. And I regret that every single day. I know I should have went and I know I should have been there with you..."

He nodded and wiped his eyes. He didn't like to let Brooke know when he was crying...He didn't like crying, period. He liked to seem like the stronger one out of the two and let her know she could come to him with anything.

But maybe that was part of the problem.

Maybe Brooke had become so dependant on Lucas that she expected him to be able to take away all that pain from the loss of their son.

And maybe Lucas just couldn't do that. Maybe he was looking for someone to take away his pain, too.

"You never even went to visit his grave." His voice was almost inaudible, but Brooke was able to hear each and every word.

"Sometimes..." She began. "I just like to pretend that I'm living in some nightmare...that I'll wake up and he'll still be here, and we'll still be us...not these two people that are so broken. God, Luke, I never wanted this for us...and I just thought that if I went to the funeral, or if I went to his grave... it would all just make everything a thousand times more real."

"Brooke." His voice was soft as he placed his hand on her thigh. "It is real."

"I know." And with those words her sobs got harder and more uncontrollable. "I know." She muttered.

It was what she was afraid.

Every day she'd wake up in hopes of finding her young son still in bed sleeping. But he was never there, and never would be again.

"_Brooke..." He lightly shook her body in attempt to wake her up. _

_She was sleeping, slumped in a chair in the hospital's emergency room waiting room and Lucas frowned, taking all of her in._

_She was a complete mess. _

_Her hair was tousled, her makeup had run. And if it were under better circumstances, once Brooke realized what she looked like, she'd probably rush into the bathroom to freshen up._

_But she did know what she looked like. She looked like the same as now before she'd fallen asleep. She just had much bigger things on her mind, that she didn't even care what she looked like. _

"_Hmm?" She mumbled, still half asleep. _

"_Brooke, baby, wake up. The doctor's coming to talk to us in a few minutes." _

"_Doctor?" Her eyes were still closed._

"_Brooke..."_

_Her eyes finally opened and she was met with his. "No, it was a dream. Right?" She sounded hopeful._

_He remained silent. _

"_Luke?" Her voice was low and raspy. _

"_Brooke, it wasn't a dream."_

"_No. No, no, no." She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. "He has to be okay. He has to."_

"_And he will be." Lucas mumbled into her hair and silently hoped his words would be right. _

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**A/N - Okay, I'm not really crazy about this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, though. **

**By the way, who else is racking their brains out about the finale?? I don't want to wait 'til September 1****st**** to see what happens!! :(**

**At least the Brucas scenes were AMAZING. And omg, who else cried when Brooke was giving away Angie?? I was hysterical!!**

**Anyways, leave a review! Thanks!**

–**Melissa**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Hey! **

**Thanks: **BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, othfan326, hoeoverbros, brookenlucas4eva03, Mosie1213, BrOoKe DaViS23, BDavis427, Brucas3Naley23, CheerandBrood323, Team Davis-Scott, Princesakarlita411, onetreefan, brucas224, brucas333, erika x3, Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, tanya2byour21, chebelle, **and **Kimmers.

**Thanks so much! Your reviews are what keep me writing!! :)**

**Please enjoy and review!! :) :)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 6 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"Where is she?" Haley bursted into the house frantically.

"I don't know!" He yelled exasperated. "I have no fucking clue where she went!"

"Okay...okay. Let's calm down and try to be rational about this. We need to think. She wouldn't just run away to another state...would she?"

"That's the thing...The two of us have been so screwed up this past few days that she hasn't been talking to me...so I don't even know."

"Did you call the police?"

"No." He waved his hand, dismissing the thought. "I didn't want to get the officials involved. I figured she'd just show up later tonight."

"But she hasn't, Luke. It's already one in the morning."

"You think I don't know that?! She's my wife and she's missing. She could be dead for all I know."

"Stop it, Luke. Don't talk like that!"

"Well what else am I supposed to think? I just lost my son...and now I could have lost my wife."

He was scared. Scared to death. He hadn't heard from his wife since last nice. And when he woke up, he only found a note. A small, simple note that didn't even inform him where she was or where she was going! All it said was that she had to leave!

"You tried calling her cell phone, right?"

"Of course...that's the first thing I did."

Haley nodded and tried to think of something else. She was scared, too. Nobody saw this coming.

Just then, the phone rang and Lucas jumped a bit from the unexpected shrill.

"Maybe that's her." Haley suggested as Lucas picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" He said into the phone.

No answer...Just breathing. But for some reason he knew who it was.

It was Brooke, Haley was right.

"Brooke...are you there?"

Silence.

"Brooke." He pleaded. "Please. Just let me know that you're okay."

Haley stood in front of her best friend, confused. What was going on on the other end of the phone?

"I'm fine." She finally spoke.

And then she hung up.

"Dammit." He mumbled and threw the phone down.

"What? What is it? Where is she?"

"I...I don't know."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I don't know where she is, Hales...but she's okay."

--Present Time--

"Hey." Her voice cut through the silent house.

Lucas, in response to the ever so raspy sound, looked up from the newspaper he'd starting reading over breakfast.

Her eyes weren't as red as they had been the night prior and now her hair was pulled back and out of her face. She looked a little better, and Lucas assumed it was because she'd finally gotten a few hours of sleep.

They had talked and cried together, however Brooke still didn't want to go into exact details about what had happened to Alex. It was still such a raw emotion, and she expected it to stay that way forever.

"Hey, Brooke. Are you hungry?" He knew he shouldn't have even bothered to ask. He knew she'd say no. And come to think of it, it looked like she hadn't eaten in a while, she was looking rather thin. She'd been too tired and too depressed to eat. He'd have to call up Peyton, as much as he despised to do so, to ask if she'd been eating while in California.

"No." She shook her head politely and moved an inch forward towards him.

"You can come sit." He pulled the chair next to him out from under the table and then resumed to his coffee and newspaper. If she wanted to sit, she would. He'd leave it up to her to decide.

She didn't move and stood there, her arms crossed over her chest.

"So what are we gonna do, Brooke?" He asked, putting the paper down.

She shrugged hesitantly and shuffled her feet against the cold kitchen floor.

"Are you still leaving?" It wasn't really something they had discussed. After she'd brought it up, their conversation had gone in a completely different direction.

"No." She immediately responded but then further explained. "I mean...I don't want to, but..."

"So then don't. Don't leave."

"But I want to know what's going to happen to us. If we can ever be okay again..."

"Right now...I'm not so sure." He sighed deeply when he saw her face fall even more.

"Lucas..." Her voice cracked when she spoke and moved closer to him, finally taking a seat at the table. "I'm sorry. Okay?" She knew that no matter how many times she said that, it wouldn't make things any better.

"I know that." He nodded slowly.

"It's just...when he died...I guess I died, too."

"And you think I didn't, Brooke? I just had to stay strong for you...and I don't know, maybe that wasn't enough." He admitted. It was something he'd been holding in for a long time. He'd try to take away all her pain in hopes of trying to keep her sane, and when she ran away, he felt as though he failed. "I mean, you did leave, didn't you?"

"I didn't leave because of you, and you know that. I left because I blamed myself for what happened, and I still do."

"You never did tell me what exactly happened that day..." He trailed off. He knew by making that statement, she'd get uncomfortable again, possibly start crying, too.

"I...um...I'm hungry. You said you made breakfast?"

Lucas sighed silently to himself. She was still in denial.

"Yeah...yeah, I did."

_Brooke's stomach churned as she saw the doctor, clad in scrubs, approach her and Lucas. She instantly felt Lucas's hand reach for her's and he gave it a tight squeeze, letting her know that whatever was about to happen, they'd still have each other and would be able get through whatever was about to be thrown at them together. _

"_Mr. and Mrs. Scott, please follow me." The doctor's voice was in monotone and because of this, he wasn't really hinting which way the operation had gone. Whether their son was okay or not. _

_Before getting up, Brooke looked over at Lucas and just wanted to break down all over again. He did, too, as he watched her. She looked dead. He didn't know what to do. _

"_Mr. and Mrs. Scott?" The doctor said._

"_Come on, Brooke. He'll be fine." Lucas reassured her and got up from his seat. He extended his hand out for her to take once she got up from her seat, except she didn't move. Not one inch._

_She couldn't move. It was as though she were paralyzed by fear. And nothing was about to change that. _

"_He's going to be fine. He's strong. He's your son, after all."_

_It took all of her strength to nod her head and then finally get up, and when she did so, she felt her knees begin to give in and buckle beneath her. _

_Lucas wrapped his arm around her waist and helped her along the way. _

_They followed the doctor into a secluded room where the walls and floors were as pale as they could be. Too pale for either of their liking._

_It was then Brooke remembered she hated hospitals._

_The doctor began talking and her whole world blurred. She couldn't hear or see anything. She had lost control of her balance and collapsed into Lucas's arms. _

_And then she sobbed. _

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**A/N - I know it's frustrating 'cause you still don't know how exactly their son died, but don't worry. It's coming up soon!**

**I'm working on chapter 20 for Finding My Way Back, and I'm hoping that'll be up soon. **

**Anyways, leave a review, please!! Thanks!!**

–**Melissa :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - Hello everyone!!**

**Thanks: **othfan326, brookenlucas4eva03, onetreefan, CheerandBrood323, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, evergloweyes, Mosie1213, tanya2byour21, reina123, BrOoKe DaViS23, Brooke D., hoeoverbros, Team Davis-Scott, princetongirl, bd-ls-islove, Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, erika x3, Sophia-Chad, BDavis427, chebelle, **and **brucas333.

**Thanks!!**

**Enjoy!! :)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 7 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"What about Peyton?" Haley spoke up after a long silence. Brooke hadn't called back, and the uncertainty of not knowing where she was, was making them extremely nervous despite the fact she'd called and said she was fine.

Lucas didn't believe her though. There was just something; something in her voice, her hesitancy perhaps, that made him overlook her words and look deep down and realize.

Brooke wasn't okay. She wasn't fine.

Because she hadn't been fine for a while.

Neither had he. But he was dealing. Brooke, on the other hand wasn't.

"What about her?" Lucas mumbled. He had stayed up all night hoping for another call and due to this, he was beyond tired. He could feel his eye lids become heavy and he was fighting to keep them from falling.

Haley wasn't making any sense. Peyton had nothing to do with this.

"Well, maybe Brooke's in California." The idea had come to Haley only a few minutes ago.

"Why would she go there?...I don't see her flying cross country to go visit a friend she hasn't heard from in years...I just don't."

"Well, a few weeks she did mention that she hadn't seen Peyton in awhile...I don't know, Luke. It's just...we tried everything."

He nodded slowly. "Can you get me Brooke's phonebook...it's in the drawer to your left."

Maybe, just maybe, Brooke had gone to California. There at least Lucas knew she'd be safe.

Of maybe he was just hoping for that. For her to be safe...for her to really be fine.

Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

--Present Time--

"So how is she?"

"Well." Lucas sighed as he cradled the phone between his shoulder and ear. "It's hard."

Hard was an understatement, though. It was beyond hard...unbearable.

"Still beating around the bush, huh?" Haley asked.

"I guess you can say that. It's just...I wish she could know that I'm feeling the same things she is. That I know it's hard...but we both need each other to get through it. And I know that it's something that we're never going to forget about ever, but...we can't keep living like this, Hales. I don't know what else to do...I'm so lost." Haley heard her best friend's voice crack mid sentence and it was with that sudden sound she realized how broken her best friend really was.

She'd never been through something as tragic as her two best friends had, and she thanked god that she and Nathan were blessed with their healthy son.

But all this time, it had just seemed to her that Brooke was more of a wreck than Lucas.

But when she really thought about it, it was because Lucas was trying to stay strong; he was trying to prevent Brooke from all the pain. So that meant he was keeping double the emotions locked up. And it would only be a matter of time when his emotions would get the best of him.

"Lucas...I have an idea."

And that was all it took for Lucas to muster up enough strength in him to redirect his attention to the conversation.

He'd do anything to return to normal.

But right now, he just didn't see it as being possible.

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"Hey, Brooke?" It was a slow afternoon, and Lucas had spent the day considering taking Haley's advice. It wouldn't hurt to try...and right now, he was desperate.

"Yeah?" Brooke replied, as she got her work supplies out from the drawers. She was going to be working on some new sketches...again. That was all she'd been doing lately. Hiding behind her work. It made everything much simpler.

"Um...I was wondering if we could talk..."

"Actually, I was just gonna start working on something...maybe it could wait...?" She wasn't looking him in his eyes when she responded. All he wanted to do was talk...and she just didn't want to. She never wanted to, really.

"Please." He sounded desperate and that was why she looked up from the floor to meet his blue eyes. "We need to."

"Okay." She gave in and nodded, setting her things down on the counter top.

He took a seat at the table and she followed suit very slowly.

"Look...I know you don't want to talk...and you don't have to. Just let me...Brooke..." He paused when he noticed she was staring at her feet underneath the table, not looking at him, and she was fidgeting with her fingers. "Brooke, can you at least look at me?!" His voice snapped.

He was sick of it. All of it.

Brooke was always wallowing herself in self pity and Lucas was left to pick up the pieces. Everyone was always concerned about Brooke, and rarely had anyone asked Lucas how he felt.

But he was hurting, too! Just as much!

Hearing his high voice, she jumped a little in her seat before bringing her eyes up to his. "I'm sorry." Her voice was small, just like how she felt in that moment.

"God, Brooke. This is what I'm talking about...we haven't communicated in months. You won't even look at me anymore!"

_They had been sitting in silence for a good ten minutes. Every now and then Brooke would cry and when Lucas tried to lean in and console her, she'd push him away and yell at him to not touch her. _

_So then he'd just sit quietly and brood. It was better that way; neither one was in the mood to talk anyway. _

"_Oh my god." Brooke managed to choke out as she stood up and started pacing around the room. "This is my fault! All of it."_

_Lucas just wiped his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't going to try to talk anymore. He was done._

_No one deserved this. _

_Not he, not Brooke. No one. _

"_I can't...I can't do this." She quickly picked up her purse onto her shoulder and ran out of the room. _

_For once, Lucas didn't feel it in him to run after her. _

"And you know, the funny part is, when all of this first happened, I was glad you weren't talking. Because, honestly, I didn't want to either. But this...this is too much, Brooke. We can't live like this anymore...where you don't talk and tell me how you feel, it's just—."

"—I think you know how I feel, Lucas." Her voice was low and shaky.

"Actually, I really don't. Thinking about it, I realized I have no idea how you feel. I thought I was feeling the same thing as you, Brooke...but that's where I was wrong. Because whatever I was feeling didn't cause me to run to another state and leave everything behind."

"Lucas..." She shook her head. "Please, I can't deal with this right now."

"You can never deal with it, Brooke! And that's why...that's I think you need to see somebody for help...both of us, actually."

She stared at him incredulously. "Like a therapist, a counselor?" She scoffed.

"Whatever...Anything to get help."

"I don't need help, Lucas." Her voice was bitter as she stood up from the seat. "I'm going out."

"Oh." Lucas stood up after her. "Maybe you could go to California again. Tell Peyton I said hi."

"Screw you!" She yelled as she walked to the front door, opened it, and slammed it behind her.

"Fuck." Lucas mumbled to himself once the door slammed closed. This was not where he thought their conversation would end up.

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She knocked on the door again and finally a dark-haired man opened up.

"Brooke...Haley didn't tell me we were expecting you." He looked surprised to see the brunette.

"You guys weren't. But, um, do you think I could stay here for a little bit, Nathan?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. I'll tell Haley you're here."

Brooke mumbled a thanks before walking past Nathan into the house. Nathan then retreated up the staircase to go inform his wife on what was going on.

Brooke sighed as she walked into the living room. She knew she was wrong for denying everything and running away from her problems, but she didn't see any other way.

"Hey, Aunt Brooke." A small child's voice shook her out of her thoughts.

It was Jamie.

The sight of the small, young, blonde child crushed her even more.

She still deserved to have her son.

"Hey, buddy." Brooke did her best to smile and convince her nephew she was okay. She walked closer to him and sat beside him.

"I haven't seen you for a while." He knew something was up with both his uncle and aunt. Especially since his cousin was gone. But nobody wanted to tell him anything.

"I know...I missed you."

"Missed you, too." He replied and still didn't look in her eyes. He was focusing on the small basketball he had in his hands that he'd been playing with for a few minutes now.

"So, tell me. What's been going on in the life of James Lucas Scott?"

"Nothing much." He shrugged.

"Nothing much? C'mon you can tell me..."

"Mommy said I shouldn't...I shouldn't say anything."

"Jamie, sweetie. What is it?" She urged him on.

"Well..." He spoke with skepticism. "Where's Alex?"

Brooke immediately felt nauseous when the question left the young boy's mouth. "Jamie..."

"We used to play together all the time...Mommy told me he's gone...And I...I miss him, Aunt Brooke." His light blue eyes pooled with tears and the sight made Brooke utterly sick.

"Oh, Jamie..." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes tight. She didn't want to cry _again_. "I miss him, too, buddy. I miss him, too."

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**A/N - Okay, I know it seems like this story is getting nowhere...but trust, me...it will be soon. **

**In the next chapter you'll find out what happened to Alex! I know many of you have been waiting for that!! **

**Also, for those who haven't read the final chapters of "What's True" and "Finding My Way Back" yet, please do so and leave a final review! **

**Review! Thanks! :)**

–**Melissa**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Helloooo! I figured while I'm watching the repeat of 5.04 on tv now, I'd leave a quick update. It's pretty short, but I thought I'd leave one 'cause I'm gonna be super busy this week with no time to really update! So I hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks: **dolcegrazia, TeamxxBrucasxx, othfan326, tanya2byour21, CheerandBrood323, Team Davis-Scott, reina123, erika x3, beachbumyeahh, Mosie1213, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, onetreefan, Brooke D., hoeoverbros, brucas333, BrOoKe DaViS23, BDavis427, lusciiousx3hsm, chebelle, princetongirl, **and **brucas3.

**Thanks! **

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 8 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"Put Brooke on." He instantly said, not waiting for the blonde on the receiver's end to speak.

"Lucas..." He could hear her sigh into the phone. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Not a good idea? She's my wife, Peyton."

It was a miracle that Haley had even suggested the thought of Brooke with Peyton, otherwise they'd still be in square one.

Lucas would continuously be dialing her cell phone number, hoping for an answer, while Haley would be calling her Nathan at home seeing if Brooke by any chance had called there.

All in all, they'd still be worried to death.

At least know they had something figured out.

"I have a right to talk to her." He replied after a beat.

He wasn't in the mood.

He was tired and worried sick. He just needed to talk to his wife already.

"Lucas, I'm sorry...but she doesn't want to talk to you right now...or anyone, for that matter."

"Except you, right?" He bit back angrily. "Put her on, Peyton."

"She's my best friend, and I'm just respecting what she's asked."

"Her best friend?" He asked incredulously. "You have got to be kidding me. Where were you, Peyton, when we were waiting in the hospital for hours, waiting to hear what happened to our son? Where were you when Brooke was crying herself to sleep every night and blocking herself off from everything and everyone? Or maybe, where the hell were you when we were grieving the loss of our son at his fucking funeral? Where were you, Peyton?"

"Lucas...we shouldn't go into this right now."

"No, maybe we should." Lucas looked back to where Haley stood in the next room over. He could tell she was curious to hear what was happening, but she also wanted to give him his space. "Just put her on, Peyton. That's the last time I'm asking you."

"She's fine, Lucas. Okay? That's all you need to know. Goodbye."

"Peyton—."

But it was too late. He was just talking to the dial tone by then.

--Present Time--

She closed the door behind her very slowly in hopes to produce very little sound.

With no luck, though, a wary blonde appeared in the foyer in front of her.

"Hi." She spoke; her voice small and fragile.

She knew he was pissed. She also knew that he had every right to be. That fight they had gotten into earlier had really hit him hard. Her, too.

When she had gone to Nathan and Haley's house, she found it odd to admit it, but Jamie had helped her. Somehow, his tiny voice and big blue eyes were able to reason with her.

Or maybe it was the fact that he reminded her so much of her own son. Either way...

"What are we gonna do, Brooke?" He shook his head and stared at her pleadingly. "I don't wanna fight with you anymore...but we have to do something." He sounded exhausted. All the stress was really getting to him now. He wanted it all figured out already,

She didn't want to fight either. But she couldn't bring herself to talk. She was too weak...too tired maybe.

_Her body trembled in his arms as she buried her face in his chest. Her knees were buckled, and if he wasn't holding onto her tightly, she could have sworn she would have collapsed right there and then. _

_All the words the doctor was saying...she just couldn't comprehend them. They were going in one ear and out the other. _

_But maybe that's because she didn't want to hear or comprehend them. _

_She was too scared. _

_All this talk about a hit and run and how their son was severely hurt by the car...it was too much to handle. Broken bones, a concussion...she knew what had to be coming next. _

_It just had to be. _

_Maybe if Lucas held her this way long enough it would all go away. _

All she could possibly do was nod. However, Lucas did notice she was making eye contact with him...and that was a huge step.

"Can...Can we talk, Brooke? I mean really talk. No fighting, no screaming. Just talking."

She took a minute to nod, and it was almost enough minute before a small sound escaped her lips. "I'll go see someone." It pained her to admit it, but Lucas had been right. She needed help.

It would be the extra push to really get her to talk about what was going on with their lives...and what had happened that caused all this.

"Brooke." He sounded surprised...but maybe that's because when she replied, she sounded surprised by what she said, too. He walked closer to her, slowly though, before wrapping her into a hug. "Thank you."

Lucas pulled away several seconds later. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by the hug.

"Are you okay?" He knew it was a stupid question. They hadn't even really spoken yet. Truthfully he didn't even know why he had even asked.

"C-Can we go see him at the cemetery?" The question came out of her mouth from nowhere...however, she did mean it. She wanted to really start over. It would be hard, she would even admit that, but with the two of them together, the way it was supposed to be, maybe it would be easier.

"Really?" He paused. "I mean, you really want to?"

"I think so."

"Okay." He was confused. Utterly confused. But happy, nonetheless. His wife was trying. And that's what he wanted all along. He didn't care if she'd get frustrated and get upset. He just didn't want her to give up. And it seemed like she had given up long before it had even started.

But she was going to try now.

"_Alexander suffered severely from the impact of the car. Both arms were broken and there was also a fracture in his right ankle. Right now he's not breathing on his own—." _

"_Wait, what...I thought...?" Lucas cut the doctor off in a confused daze. Brooke looked up from his tear-stained shirt with blurry eyes just as confused. _

"_Mr. and Mrs. Scott, Alexander is alive." _

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**A/N - Shocked?**

**Don't hate me! **_**Please **_**don't hate me! I know I said you'd find out what happened to Alex that caused him to die...but then I thought of this really evil (yes, I admit, it's evil) cliffhanger, and I just had to use it! But look, you did find out something...he did get hit by a car...(don't worry, they'll be many more flashbacks from that day, like I used to include in earlier chapters). Okay, once again, don't hate me! You'll find out **_**soon**_** (I know someone not gonna mention any names lol, will not be happy with that word "soon"! I'm sorry!!)!**

**Please leave a review and... maybe you'll find out sooner?? ;)**

**Also, if you haven't already, check out my newest story, "Listen To Your Heart"!**

**Thanks, and again, sorry!**

–**Melissa**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - Hey, people! I thought I'd update for you, but I'm not so sure this chapter will clear things up...in fact, it won't. Sorry lol. Guess you'll just have to wait until I update again to find out more :p**

**Thanks: **dolcegrazia, brucas3, othfan326, CheerandBrood323, hoeoverbros, reina123, Storyteller247, bd-ls-islove, TeamxxBrucasxx, onetreefan, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, erika x3, sheshsopno, tanya2byour21, beachbumyeahh, chebelle, brookenlucas4eva03, Mosie1213, Brooke D., BDavis427, **and **Team Davis-Scott.

**Thanks so, so, so much for the amazing reviews! You guys are awesome!! :)**

**Enjoy and review, please!!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 9 -

--Two Months Earlier--

He stared blankly at the wall in front of him as he carefully held the phone to his ear. Listening to the ringing was getting him nowhere and it seemed like he'd just be leaving another voice mail. He figured eventually her memory on her phone would fill to its capacity and then he'd be left with nothing.

Surprisingly though, the ringing was abruptly cut short, and a raspy voice replaced the sound.

"Lucas." Her voice sounded more hoarse than usual, and he could tell she was definitely exhausted.

"Brooke..." He sounded surprised. "Thank god you picked up, I—."

"—Stop calling me, Lucas." She interjected his talking. If she had said those words in any other way, he would have taken them as an insult of some kind. But her voice, it wasn't rude, it sounded more pleading than anything. "Please." She added and he could hear her start to choke up.

"Just come home. And we can talk everything out. We can try to get through this."

"No." She spoke in a shaky breath, and he assumed that all the way in California she must have been shaking her head no and wiping her teary eyes. "We can't. It's too much to handle; too much to get through."

"Brooke—."

"—I need to go, Lucas."

"Please don't hang up..."

"I have to go. And please don't call again; you're making this too hard. Goodbye."

And then he was met with the dial tone once more.

--Present Time--

He was surprised. Brooke hadn't backed down yet. She was still in the car with him, and they were going to see their son.

He quickly erased that thought in his head, because it sounded pathetic to him. The fact that he had thought she was going to change her mind and not come. That all meant that he had little or no faith in Brooke.

But could you blame him? His wife had run away the last time things had gotten tough. He was supposed to be this hesitant about everything...right?

"Are you okay?" He took his eyes off the road for a split second to meet her eyes.

She nodded before allowing herself to speak. "I think I will be."

"Good."

While Brooke had gone to Nathan and Haley's house after their fight, Lucas had gone to see Alex. And though this would be his second time going to the cemetery that day, he didn't really mind it. Because this time would be different. Much different.

It would actually be different from any other time since Alex had passed away.

This time he and Brooke would be doing it together. They would be facing it together.

And that changed everything.

He parked the car a block away from the cemetery and just sat there for a minute, dazed out.

"Are you okay?" Now it was Brooke's turn to ask the question.

He finally took the keys out of the ignition, however he still didn't move from the seat. "Any time you want to leave, we'll leave. Okay? Just say the word."

"Okay." She nodded, offering him a small, soft smile.

"We're gonna do this together." He laced his fingers with hers. "We're gonna face this together."

Minutes later, they got out of the car and walked the block to the cemetery.

It was getting dark out, and soon enough it would be hard to tell which way you were going in the grave site. But Lucas had visited everyday, so he'd know his way around even if his eyes were closed.

"Can you give me a minute?" She asked him timidly once they reached the headstone.

"Of course." He nodded. "If you need me, I'll be just over there." He pointed a few feet back before walking away. He wanted to give her space. He knew that it would probably be a very emotional moment for her, especially since she was never there before.

"Hi." She started, and then propped herself on her knees against the ground. She felt her breath begin to get shaky and she knew that her tears would be coming soon, too. "God, I miss you so much, Alex. And I'm so sorry I never came here before. But it was just so hard. And I was trying to pretend like nothing happened...but I guess...I guess that just made everything worse, ya know?"

It was the first time she had really admitted that by her denying everything, things only got worse.

She had tried so hard to pretend that nothing ever happened. That it was all just some nightmare, and eventually, she'd wake up from it. But by doing so, she was pushing Lucas away.

"But I'm going to try and make things better now. And you're going to be hearing a lot more from me. I just...I hope you don't blame me for any of this. Because I know that I still blame myself. And I just...I just want you to know that I love you so, so much. And daddy loves you so much...and we're never going to forget about you ever."

"_What?" Lucas stared at the doctor for further explanation while he still held Brooke close in his arms. _

"_It truly is a miracle. He's still under observance and we're running several tests. We'll let you know more information when we find out more ourselves." _

_It made no sense. _

_Alex was still alive. _

_After waiting and waiting and waiting, dreading the worse...he had made it. _

"_Oh my god." It took a while for Brooke to take it all in and let it sink in. "Can we go see him?" She asked. _

"_Of course. I'll take you to his room now. But first I must warn you. He isn't looking so well. He's bruised and is hooked up to several monitors." _

_None of that mattered, though. Their son was still alive; that's all that counted. _

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**A/N - So brucas are making progress. That makes you all happy, right?**

**However, you're all still confused regarding the flashbacks. Sorry about that! But I have to leave you in suspense! Lol. **

**Review and you'll find out more soon!**

**(ALSO, check out chapter 2 of Listen To Your Heart!)**

–**Melissa**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - Hey everybody! I wasn't planning to update until Friday, but I got over my writers block faster than expected. **

**Thanks: **reina123, hoeoverbros, onetreefan, Mosie1213, othfan326, BDavis427, CheerandBrood323, princetongirl, tanya2byour21, BrOoKe DaViS23, MissUnderstood92, bwaybaby32, bd-ls-islove, Brooke D., **and **NYGIRL09.

**Thanks so much!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 10 -

--Two Months Earlier--

"Hey, Brooke...?" Peyton tapped lightly on the wooden door.

Brooke sighed upon hearing the blonde's voice from outside in the hallway. Truthfully, she didn't know what had possessed her to take a flight all the way across the country to California to stay with someone she hadn't spoken to in a while. She figured it was because staying with Peyton she wouldn't be asked as many questions as she would've back home. And she knew that was because the two had lost touch, and neither one did anything about it.

The first time they had spoken in months, almost a year, was when Brooke called to tell Peyton that she and Lucas's son had died.

Peyton had awkwardly offered her condolences, and instead of saying she'd catch the first flight out to Tree Hill to be there to support her old best friends and attend the funeral, she had said she would send flowers.

And that was all, until the second time, when Brooke once again called asking if she had any extra room for a guest.

It was then settled. Brooke would go to California to get away from everything. She'd do this without telling anyone.

Peyton didn't seem to mind.

"Can I come in?" Peyton asked softly.

Brooke, who had been crying, wiped her eyes frantically, and regained her composure as she sat up straight on the bed in the guest room.

"Uh, yeah." Her voice was unsteady and scratchy, but she assumed Peyton was used to it by now. She had been staying with her for a few weeks already.

"Hey, how're you doing?" Peyton asked and Brooke shook her head. It was such a stupid question; a question Peyton seemed to always ask. And honestly, it disappointed Brooke when she was asked that by her once best friend. That showed that Peyton didn't know Brooke anymore. How was she doing? She lost her son! How would she be doing?

"Okay, I guess." Brooke mumbled, wiping her eyes again.

"Well, you know I'm here for you. Anytime you wanna talk, I'm willing to listen." Those were all lies.

Besides offering a place to stay, Peyton wasn't there for her at all. She hadn't been for a while, and Brooke knew that. She just pretended she didn't realize it.

Brooke fake-smiled gratefully while nodding. "Thanks."

"Anyway, I gotta get back to work. I shouldn't be back too late."

It was Brooke's favorite part of the day. She would be alone.

Sure, the constant calls from Lucas that she would either ignore or hang up on were annoying, but other than that, she liked it. She just enjoyed the time and tried pretending nothing was wrong.

But sometimes it didn't work. It just didn't cut it.

Because Brooke knew that everything was wrong.

--Present Time--

"I'm glad we did this." She spoke out of the blue to Lucas who was at the wheel beside her. Her eyes were glued to the passenger seat window. "I needed it."

"We both did." Lucas agreed, driving out of the cemetery. "In the morning I'm gonna call someone that we can, ya know, talk to...That is if you still feel comfortable doing that."

"Yeah. I think we should." It was a big step for Brooke to admit that. He was proud of her. She was proud of herself.

"Okay." He nodded.

The two of them then rode in silence, and every so often they would both glance at each other, but the one person wouldn't notice. Lucas would be keeping his eyes on the road, and Brooke would be staring out the window.

"I was working that day." Her sudden voice took Lucas by surprise, and caused him to listen intently. "Finishing up some sketches in the house."

Her voice cracked and Lucas knew exactly what she was talking about then. He reached over and caught hold of one of her hands, giving it a tight squeeze.

"He wanted to play basketball, and he wanted me to watch him play it...But I was busy because I had a deadline to finish by. I told him to go ahead; that I'd be done soon...And I was done soon, but by the time I was done...it was too late." She finished and started crying.

Lucas immediately pulled the car over to the side of the road and once doing so, he wrapped his arms around her.

She was opening up. And he was glad.

_Alexander Nathan Scott was alive._

_Their son was alive. _

_It didn't make any sense...but that didn't matter. _

_It was simply a miracle. _

_Brooke leaned over the bar on the hospital bed and placed a kiss on her son's forehead. She'd been doing that a lot since she had gotten into the room. _

_Lucas, who sat next to her, still held onto her hand tightly as he replayed everything that had gone on that day in his mind._

_He could still remember the call he had gotten at work, and how fragile Brooke seemed on the other end as she tried telling him what was going on. _

"_Mr. and Mrs. Scott." Brooke and Lucas looked up from their son to find the doctor in the doorway. "Can I speak to the two of you outside?" _

_Brooke looked over to Lucas, an expression of concern washing over her face. He gave her hand a squeeze in response to her glance before proceeding to get up._

_Once outside, the doctor began."We have ran several tests on your son, and will be continuing to do so. However during one test, we did find something..." _

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**A/N - Mean cliffhanger? ...Yup, I know ;)**

**Review and you'll find out what they found...!**

**Thanks!**

–**Melissa**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N - Hey!! I know it's been forever since my last UD, but I've been so busy and I had writers block. I'm sorry!! But, you find out why Alex dies in this chapter (finally lol), so I hope that makes it better and I hope it was worth the wait.**

**Thanks: **TeamxxBrucasxx, bwaybaby32, reina123, OTHskater, onetreefan, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, tanya2byour21, Mosie1213, NYGIRL09, beachbumyeahh, BDavis427, CheerandBrood323, Brooke D., bd-ls-islove, princetongirl, othfan326, chebelle, hoeoverbros, **and **brucas333.

**Hope you enjoy!! And once again, sorry for the wait. **

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 11 -

--A Week Earlier--

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

And she realized that. It wasn't fair, and that was made perfectly clear in her mind.

It wasn't fair that she had just left Lucas with a note, piling everything on him. It wasn't fair that she had been ignoring his calls either. And it wasn't fair that she was doing the exact same thing to Peyton, just two months after she arrived in California.

But she realized that staying with Peyton may have not been the best idea.

It wasn't helping her forget. It wasn't helping at all. The memories still haunted her. The nightmares were still always there each time she closed her eyes. And to her it seemed that it just wasn't worth being miles away from home if she didn't gain anything from it.

The other day, Peyton had stepped out of the house and Brooke took that as the perfect opportunity.

She booked a flight back to Tree Hill, just as she had months earlier to go to California.

And then at night, when she and Peyton were both supposed to be asleep, she left.

This time, she didn't leave any note, as she had done with Lucas. She just left with suitcases in both hands.

It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.

But losing her son wasn't fair either.

--Present Time--

"Brooke, Lucas. Please come in; take a seat." The woman seemed friendly as she greeted the couple, but Brooke was still hesitant about the whole thing.

Sure, she had been opening up a lot recently. But that didn't exactly mean she was ready to spill her heart out to some stranger who got paid to discuss other people's feelings.

For Lucas, though, she was going to try. She at least owed him that.

"If ever you feel like you're not ready to do this, just let me know and we'll leave. Okay?" He caught hold of her hand and waited for her to respond.

She slowly nodded before adding a quiet "okay".

"So tell me, Brooke. When would you say you and Lucas started experiencing problems?"

"Um..." Brooke felt uncomfortable sitting there in the spotlight being asked personal questions, however when she looked over at Lucas, he nodded encouragingly at her, urging her to go on. "A-About two months ago. Two and a half maybe." She used to know the months, days, hours, and even minutes from when her world fell apart. But after a while, she just wanted to forget it all. She didn't want to be able to remember all of that.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

Brooke remained silent as she shuffled her feet against the carpeted floor.

"Brooke." Lucas spoke softly. "It's okay. You can talk about it." He knew it was difficult to talk about it, but he thought that Brooke was getting better at doing so. She was definitely opening up more. And agreeing to talk to someone proved that even more. He was proud of her. But if she wasn't talking here, maybe she hadn't improved so much after all. Maybe she just didn't want to get help.

"Lucas?" The therapist turned her attention to the blonde. "What about you? Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Uh...Brooke left town for a couple of months. Without telling me, just leaving a note." He spoke, revealing only part of their problems. He wanted to see if Brooke was strong enough to speak up and defend herself, telling the therapist why she had left...The real reason the couple was slowly breaking apart.

But she stayed silent, her eyes plastered to the ground.

"Brooke, is this true? Did you leave Lucas?"

"Yes." She mumbled, still not looking up.

"Where'd you go?" The therapist tried. She wanted to help the two, but if Brooke wasn't talking, that would be extremely hard. Too hard.

"California." One word answer...again.

"Why would you leave Lucas? Your husband, the man you love. That must have not only hurt Lucas, but you as well. There must be some reason. Am I right?"

It took a minute after the therapist's last words for Brooke to slowly peel her eyes up from the floor. "I didn't want to blame Lucas...so I blamed myself." She spoke, her voice raspy.

"Blame Lucas for what?"

"Alex's heart condition."

"_What? What is it?" She immediately asked the doctor. Alex was fine! They couldn't have found anything. She was just in his room and he was perfectly fine! _

"_It appears his heart isn't functioning properly. He has inherited the generic heart condition that runs in your family, but it was too mild to detect at this time. But with the impact of the accident, it became severe. We're trying everything we can...but at this point, it's too late to get a new heart. The lists are too full." _

_The doctor continued on but all Brooke could do was stare at the ground. He had a heart condition. HCM. And all she could think was how it was Lucas's fault. All of it. Lucas was the one with the HCM. _

"_He might not make it through the night. I'm sorry." _

_She tuned back in only to hear those words, and she wished she hadn't just heard them. Those small words, pieced together, were the end of her world. They were paralyzing. And she couldn't move. _

"_Brooke..." Lucas mumbled once the doctor walked away to let the couple talk alone. _

"_I hate you." That was all she could say. The strength it took for her to say those words was unbearable. Yet she felt she needed to say it again. "I hate you." It was more forceful than the first time. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I-I h-h-ate y-ou." And then she was crying; sobbing in his arms. _

"Who's Alex?"

"He was my son."

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**A/N - Wow, I can't believe it took me 11 chapters to reveal the major storyline. That's actually pretty weird...but hey, I guess you guys like the suspense lol. **

**So there you go. It was a heart condition. **

**Hope you enjoyed it! I don't think there's much left to this story now that you know what happened and now that Brooke is opening up. Just some BL where they work to come back together! That will be a few chapters, then I guess it'll be the end. Idk, I'll see. **

**Anyways, please REVIEW!!**

**(also, I'll try to UD 'Listen To Your Heart' soon! I'm working on chapter 4!)**

**Thanks!!**

–**Melissa :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N – Hey everyone! I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter! Writers block and being super busy can do that! Hopefully I'll be updating more regularly from now on.**

**Thanks: **othfan326, BrOoKe DaViS23, bwaybaby32, hoeoverbros, onetreefan, reina123, CheerandBrood323, Brooke D., brookenlucas4eva03, princetongirl, bd-ls-islove, BDavis427, Mosie1213, tanya2byour21, Camila, rollie, Sophia-Chad, beachbumyeahh, Erika x3, **and **brucas333 **for their awesome reviews!**

**Hope you enjoy!!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 12 –

She could remember sitting in the hospital's emergency room followed by their pediatric ward for hours and hours, just waiting; waiting for any news, waiting for any progress. But what she remembered most was her son's hospital room.

That room was the worst of it all. The pale white walls accompanied by the monitors beeping uncontrollably and the I.V.s dripping into her son's veins. Beep by beep, drop by drop; she heard all of it. Most of all, though, she could clearly remember the last few hours. Those horrible last few hours that pained her to even think about. They had become crystal clear in her mind after that day, much to her dismay. And every time her eyes closed, whether it be to sleep, or even to blink, she relived that nightmare. It was there always; over and over again in her head.

That whole time, she sat by his bedside, with Lucas there too, as Alex's heart rate dropped rapidly and the nurses and doctors and cardiologists came running in and out, performing EKGs and blood tests and other sorts of things.

As much as she hated thinking about that, it took even more out of her to share that personal information with a complete stranger. But if it would help her get better, then maybe it was worth it. She was proud of herself for doing such a thing, and she had every damn reason to be proud. And she knew Lucas was proud, too. She could tell from the way he had been looking at her since they left the therapist's office.

She had made phenomenal progress from the stage she had been in when she first arrived back in Tree Hill. She was a complete and utter mess back then. And to say she wasn't a mess now would be a lie, but she had definitely improved and had gotten better. This meeting with the therapist had proved such.

The whole car ride back home was spent in silence.

What had just happened was a big step for Brooke, and right now all she really needed and wanted was some time to think things over. But the silence got the best of her when she spoke up upon stepping into their house.

"I'm glad we did this." She nodded as she spoke. "It helped me…a lot, actually."

"I'm glad, too." He smiled softly before taking her hands in his. "We're good now…right?" He asked. "I mean, me and you, we're okay?"

"Yeah…I think." They had stopped fighting with each other and were no longer mad, so they were okay, weren't they?

"Good." He nodded, staring into her eyes. He could tell she wanted to say something, but for some reason she remained silent. "You okay?" He finally asked, urging her to tell him what was on her mind.

"Can I tell you something…?" She sounded hesitant and he wasn't sure why she felt she had to be. He was sure they had gotten everything out on the table that they wanted to at the therapy session.

"Of course…do you…do you wanna sit down?"

"Yeah." She nodded slowly before she turned around, walking to the couch; he followed.

"So, what is it, Brooke?" Lucas asked tenderly.

"I just want to explain to you better why I felt like I needed to leave town-"

"-Brooke, you don't have to." He cut her off.

"I know." She nodded. "But I want to. And besides, I feel like I owe you that at least; after everything, I mean." She took a deep breath before going on. "After he died, I blocked myself off from everybody. Even myself, if that makes sense. I wanted to talk about it, but there was something in me that kept all that locked up. I just couldn't do anything; like my body shut down or something. And after I realized how bad I had gotten, I figured that you were just disgusted with me, because I was disgusted with myself. I didn't go to his funeral."

Brooke closed her eyes. She hated recalling that. The thought made her sick; how she could be so selfish to not even attend her own son's funeral.

"And." She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes before continuing. "I didn't visit his grave. That all caught up to me and I realized by sticking around I must've been hurting you and putting more stress on you than you needed. I was trying to push all my feelings on you, when you had your own to deal with. And I just became so guilty for everything, that I needed to leave. Now I know that it still sounds selfish but if you could just forgive me-"

"-Shhh." Lucas placed a finger on her lips. "You were already forgiven the moment I saw you sitting on the steps when I got home that day. For you to come back after all of that, it showed me that you wanted to fix everything. You didn't want to keep living like we had been for those two months prior to that. I just needed time to adjust with you back. It hurt, but I never stopped loving you because of it. I promise." He finished his words off with a kiss.

They hadn't kissed in months so that made it all the more special.

When they pulled away Brooke looked directly into his blue eyes and she could've sworn she fell in love all over again.

"I love you." She was almost breathless.

"I love you, too. I never stopped."

"_Doctor." Lucas called out._

_Brooke had finally fallen back asleep and Lucas had slipped out of the room to find out if there was something that could be done. "There has to be something that you could do. You can't let our son d-d…" He couldn't bring himself to say the word. "Please."_

"_Mr. Scott, I assure you we are doing everything we possibly can. If there's something that can save his life, we wouldn't be keeping it from you. His stats still haven't improved, and we're still _

_trying to fully diagnose the whole problem. I'll let you know whatever I know. Now if you excuse me, I have to go see another patient. I'll check back in in a little while."_

_Lucas walked away and back to the room defeated._

_He knew his life was about to forever change…for the worse._

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**A/N – So, how was it? Hope it was okay.**

**Again, sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed it!! **

**Leave a review, please! (also, check out the latest chapter of "****listen to your heart****"!)**

**Review!**

**--Melissa : )**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- I suck. I know I said in my last update that I'd be updating more regularly and what do I do? Not update for over a month. I'm so sorry; it's just I had writers block and didn't know what to write. Like I knew what I wanted to do with this chapter, but I didn't know how to put it together. But finally, it came to me. So here it is.**

**Thanks: **TeamxxBrucasxx, brucas3, othfan326, CheerandBrood323, tanya2byour21, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, bwaybaby32, bd-ls-islove, beachbumyeahh, BrOoKe DaViS23, Erika x3, Mosie1213, BDavis427, **and** hoeoverbros.

**Thanks you guys!**

**Enjoy and review, please!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 13 –

_He dragged his feet back into the room, his eyes drawn to the floor._

"_Fuckin' doctor." He mumbled under his breath. It was like he was just brushed off. There had to be something they could do to help Alex. Instead it seemed like they were just waiting for him to die._

"_Lucas." He picked his eyes up off the floor and faced the brunette who had just called his name. She looked absolutely horrible. "Where were you?" She mumbled._

"_I went to go speak to a doctor. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He was surprised she was talking to him again, considering during their last conversation, she had told him that she hated him._

_Brooke shook her head. "You didn't. A nurse came in to check on him a few minutes ago. I'm surprised I was able to get to sleep before anyway." She explained._

_Lucas nodded and took a seat in the chair next to her. "The doctor said there were no changes." He said sadly. "I'm guessing the nurse bared the same news." _

_Brooke nodded slowly. "Yeah." She glanced quickly at their son and wished she hadn't just done that. It hurt too much. "Look, Lucas…about before…"_

"_It's okay."_

"_No it's not. It's not okay." She was on the verge of tears. "I don't hate you; I don't blame this on you. I can't blame it on you…I'm just so lost. If he doesn't make it through this, I…I'll never forgive myself._

**About two months after the last chapter -**

Lucas woke up and knew that something was definitely off. For starters, the spot next to him on the bed was vacant, and lately he'd been the first one up, and then Brooke would wake up a little after him. He also didn't hear any hint of sound coming from anywhere in the house; no shower running, no television playing the morning news. Nothing.

For a second it all felt like déjà vu, because this was exactly how it had been that morning almost five months ago. Lucas had been left to wake up in complete silence, and that was the same for today. He knew he shouldn't be worried; he and Brooke had been making amazing progress together; they were truly doing great. But, he just didn't know. He thought that if she had somewhere to go she'd at least wake him up to let him know not to worry. And besides, it was only eight in the morning, where would she have to be this early?

He gave her the benefit of the doubt and got out of bed; maybe she was just downstairs reading the paper or something. When he reached the last step, he sighed. She wasn't there. The only thing that'd be worse would be finding a note from her on the kitchen table.

"Great." He mumbled once a nice, crisp piece of paper came into sight. "This is great."

'Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Just need to figure some things out.

Brooke'

Lucas picked up the paper and crumbled it in his hand before throwing it against the wall.

Before he jumped to more conclusions though, he got out his cell phone and dialed her number. To his luck, her phone was off, and it went straight to voicemail.

That was it…he was officially worried. All of their effort to get back to normal, become the couple they once were; it all went down the drain with that single note. Brooke's phone was off, so she was obviously trying to avoid someone, and Lucas guessed it was him. She didn't want to talk to him or face him for whatever the reason may be. And he was confused. Where did they go wrong?

Things really had been turning around since that meeting with the therapist a couple of months ago. Brooke had opened up and she and Lucas were able to finally cope with what had happened. Yeah, sometimes it would be hard and Brooke would have to take a few minutes to calm down, but that was all part of the process. To leave on whim without notice just didn't make sense.

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Lucas had taken a quick shower and threw on some clothes before driving over to Nathan and Haley's house.

Jamie opened the door, with his parents following close behind.

"Hey, Uncle Lucas. Where's Aunt Brooke?" He had grown use to seeing his aunt and uncle together again, and now that Brooke wasn't with Lucas it seemed weird.

"Jamie, we told you not to open the door without one of us." Haley warned as she walked up to the door, realizing Lucas was there. "Lucas, this is a surprise."

"Yeah." He muttered. "I need to talk to you guys."

"Is everything okay?" Nathan asked concerned. The only thing logical that this could have something to do with was Brooke.

"Jamie, honey, won't don't you go upstairs for a little?" Haley asked her son and smiled gratefully when he nodded and walked towards the staircase.

"Luke, what's going on?" Haley redirected her attention back to her best friend once her son was upstairs.

"I don't know where Brooke is." He went right out and told them. "She left a note, like last time, and she's not answering her phone."

"You're kidding."

Sadly, he shook his head.

"Well, what'd the note say?"

"Not to worry and that she was fine. She just needs to figure some stuff out. I mean what the hell does that mean? What stuff is she dealing with? You know, I thought we were finally doing okay. After all the shit we went through, we were finally going to be okay. I guess I was wrong."

"Lucas." Nathan began hesitantly. "Do you think she went back to California? Back to Peyton?"

"I'm trying to trust her. She said she would never do that again. But by running away like this, it's really hard not to doubt her."

"I understand." Haley nodded. "Do you want me to call Peyton?"

Lucas sighed. He really didn't want it to have to come down to this. He shrugged. "I guess…yeah, thanks."

Haley came back a few minutes later, already having called Peyton. "Lucas, Peyton said she hasn't spoken to Brooke since Brooke left her a few months ago. I mean, I know she could be lying to cover up for Brooke, but I don't know. I think she was telling me the truth."

"I just don't know where else she could be." He shook his head as he went over locations in his mind. And then it hit him. "Oh my god."

"What? What is it, man?" Nathan asked.

"I think I know where she is. I gotta go; I'll call you guys later."

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It took Lucas fifteen minutes to get to the place from Nathan and Haley's house. And in those fifteen minutes, he just hoped that he was right; that Brooke was there.

He parked his car, got out, and let out a sigh of relief when he saw her figure in the distance.

She came to the cemetery; obviously she was battling some feelings that hadn't gone away since she came back. He just wished she had spoken to him about it. He walked slowly up to her, not wanting her to be scared and alarmed, however when he called out her name, he accomplished what he had not wanted to.

She jumped up from the sound of her name and sighed when she saw it was just him. "You found me."

"Brooke, what the hell do you think you're doing running away like that?"

"I didn't run away, Lucas. I'm only twenty minutes away from home."

"Yeah, but you had me worried shitless."

"I'm sorry." Brooke replied and shrugged. "I just needed to think some things over."

"What things, Brooke?" He sounded desperate. Was he back to begging for her to let him in? "What's going on?" He placed his hand on her cheek and she closed her eyes. "Brooke?"

"I've been trying to avoid this for a few days now; because I just can't think of anything worse right now. We've been doing great, and I'm finally adjusting but…"

"Brooke, what's going on?"

"I'm pregnant."

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**A/N – Sorta mean cliffhanger? Nah, I've done worse :p haha. **

**Hope you liked it, let me know in a review. Also, I posted a new story "Straight From the Heart", check that out, too! :) **

**Thanks!!**

**--Melissa**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N – Hey! **

**Thanks: **othfan326, tanya2byour21, brookedavis23, pink5288, BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE, CheerandBrood323, bwaybaby32, brucas3, dolcegrazia, hoeoverbros, Mosie1213, princetongirl, beachbumyeahh, **and **Broodygirl.

**Thanks a bunch for your reviews! They mean so, so much! :) **

**Enjoy & Review!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 14 -

"_Brooke…" Lucas began, though he truly did not know what to say. No words he could say would possibly be able to make things any better. They both knew what was happening. It was inevitable. The doctors had warned them that Alex only had a few hours left once his condition was diagnosed. And those hours were up._

_Just minutes before, the two had been sitting in chairs next to the hospital bed. And then the machines started beeping. Doctors and nurses rushed in and sent Brooke and Lucas outside to wait. It all happened so fast it wasn't comprehendible. _

"_Don't." Brooke managed to stutter out through her sobs. She shook her head, letting out a heavy breath. _

_Lucas sat still, emotionless. He didn't know what to do, or what to feel. The whole situation was too surreal for emotion. _

_Confirming their worst fears, the doctor came out into the hallway with a straight face that held no emotion. _

"_Mr. and Mrs. Scott." He began politely. How were you supposed to tell a couple that their young son was no longer living? "I'm sorry to have to tell you this-"_

"_No." Brooke cried and buried her face into Lucas's chest. He held her close, gently stroking her hair, not letting the doctor's words process through his head. He didn't want to hear anymore, he had heard enough._

"_No. This can't be happening."Brooke mumbled into his shirt, tugging at it with her hands. She felt sick, almost as if she was dying. The feeling that she was experiencing was killing her. She cried harder, wanting it all to end._

_The doctor looked on sadly. "Your son's heart stopped working. We tried everything we could with the time we were given; his heart was just too weak. The time of death was seven thirty-six A.M…" He continued on but at that point both, Lucas and Brooke, had tuned him out. _

_Just hours ago their little boy was alive. Just hours ago they were waiting in the E.R., awaiting news on what the hell was happening to their son. Just hours ago they were finding out that their son didn't have much time left._

_And yet no discussions with doctors, or even just small talks between themselves, would ever prepare them for the feeling they experienced when the doctor told them everything was over._

_Because it felt like the world was crashing down on them. Crushing them, leaving no air to breathe._

_Nothing would ever be the same._

"I'm pregnant." She repeated with a strained voice.

"Brooke, that's…" Lucas was confused; Brooke seemed so upset, disappointed, even angry about this revelation. Before Alex had passed away, they'd been talking about maybe trying for another child. And after the incident, it was just never brought up again. Lucas guessed that was the problem. Alex was still there then, and after everything happened, things changed. This just happened unexpectedly, and Lucas really didn't see it as such a bad thing. Brooke, however, did.

"It's not good, Lucas."

He ignored her reply. "Are you sure?"

"I took a test…and went to the doctor."

Lucas nodded, letting the words sink in. "This is good, Brooke." He said slowly. "This baby…it's a good thing."

"A good thing?" Brooke replied incredulously. "How is this good, Lucas? This is not good. I can't be pregnant."

"I don't understand. Why not?"

"I cannot believe you're even asking me that." She told him before walking towards her car. "I'll meet you back at home."

Lucas watched as she walked off, leaving him standing there by himself by the grave. He didn't get it. Things were going so well for them. Why couldn't they just stay happy for once?

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He had stayed at the cemetery for another twenty minutes, called Nathan and Haley and informed them that Brooke was okay, and then headed back home. By the time he arrived, she had passed out on the couch, the t.v. playing on mute.

He sighed as he sat down, watching her toss and turn in her sleep. He would wait until she woke up, but when she did, that's when they'd talk. They needed to talk about what was happening. And even if Brooke would refuse to do so, Lucas would keep persisting. If they didn't talk, they'd lose all the progress they'd made. And he didn't want that to happen.

"Mhhm." Brooke mumbled before opening her eyes. When Lucas came into focus, she closed them again.

"Brooke…" Lucas spoke.

"Not now, Luke." She waved him off. But he wasn't having it.

"Yes, now, Brooke." He said sternly. "Brooke, we need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about, Lucas."

"Oh, please." Lucas sighed frustrated and got up from his seat. "Will you just once in your life grow up and become an adult?"

She sat up and stared at him shock. "Don't talk to me like that."

"Well maybe if you acted a little mature, I wouldn't have to. I mean seriously, Brooke. You're not the only one dealing here. I thought we went over this a few months ago."

"Don't bring that up." She mumbled quickly and suddenly her features softened. "I can't deal with that right now—I can't think about it."

"Brooke, that's what this is about, isn't it?" He asked softly, taking a seat next to her.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Babe, tell me what you're feeling. I'm here to listen…okay? You know that."

Brooke nodded slowly. "It's just not fair…to him."

"Alex?"

She blinked a few times to try and hide her tears before nodding with a frown. "Yes. It's just not right that we'll be moving on, starting a new chapter in our lives, when he should be with us."

"I know." He pulled her closer in his arms. "Oh, Brooke, I know. But, we're still…we're still alive. And we still have to live our lives the way we would've if he was still here with us. Alex will always be in our hearts, Brooke. He knows that. He knows that you and I love him so much and we'll never ever forget about him."

"It's just hard." She broke down into tears in his arms. All Lucas could do was kiss her forehead and hug her tighter. "I want to have this baby, Lucas." She spoke into his chest. And those words left him in relief. She wanted the baby. "But…" She started again. "I'm scared, Luke. I'm scared that something will happen like what happened to Alex."

"Me too." Lucas told her. "But just because it happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. And we can't spend our whole lives worrying about stuff like that..and we'll get this one tested for HCM right away. We won't wait."

"Okay." She mumbled. "I love you."

He closed his eyes and felt content with her in his arms. "I love you, too."

They'd be moving on with their lives, but Alex would always stay with them.

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**A/N – I know this was short! Sorry!**

**So this story is comin' to an end; there's only gonna be like 2 chapters left. **

**Review PLEASE!**

**(Also, check out chapter 3 of "Straight From the Heart"!) **

**Thanks!**

**--Melissa**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N – I suck! I know, and I'm so, so sorry!**

**Thanks: **BrOoKe DaViS23, onetreefan, brucas333, CheerandBrood323, pink5288, Brooke D., beachbumyeahh, brucas3, Mosie1213, princetongirl, **and **tanya2byour21.

**Next chapter is the last one! (I'll try to post it soon!)**

**Enjoy chap. 15 and review, please!**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 15 -

_Lucas sat still in a daze, clutching his phone in his hands. The last forty-eight hours had been a complete blur, and the lack of sleep was definitely getting to his head. It had been hell._

_He'd just spent a few hours calling everyone in his and Brooke's phone book, informing them what had happened. He then concluded all the conversations saying he'd let them know when the funeral would be. That part always took him a while to get out…he couldn't bear the thought of it, and having to say it, feeling the words form on his lips and roll of his tongue…well that was worse. _

"_She's sleeping again." Lucas jerked out of his trance upon his best friend's voice. _

"_Thanks again, guys…" He mumbled to Nathan and Haley who were coming down the stairs. "…For coming over. I know you had to call the babysitter for Jamie last minute…I just-" Bringing up Jamie made Lucas's heart drop. Jamie and Alex were so close in age and best friends. _

"_Don't be ridiculous, Lucas." Nathan shook his head. "We're here for you."_

_The second Nathan and Haley received the call, they dropped everything they were doing, called up Jamie's babysitter, and rushed to Lucas and Brooke's side. The first moments the four spent together were full of hugs and tears—mainly tears. _

"_I just…" He sighed. "Don't even know what to do…where to begin dealing with stuff…I can't even fucking wrap my head around this!" He shouted and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall. "Yesterday morning…" He swallowed hard, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "He was here. He was okay! He was healthy and he was goddamn alive!...How could this happen?"_

_He knew he had more calls to make, and soon enough he'd have to start making plans for the funeral. But right now, none of that seemed to matter because his world was falling apart before his eyes, and he felt too damn weak to do anything besides sit around waiting for things to turn up again…but that wouldn't even be happening soon._

Brooke looked in the mirror and felt a pang in her heart. The black material that consumed her body made her seven-month pregnant stomach look slightly smaller than usual, however just didn't look right. It looked too gloomy…too depressing…too _real_.

"Brooke…" She felt two arms wrap around her protruding stomach. "You okay, babe?"

She turned around to face him, and he too, as expected, was dressed in black.

"Yeah." She nodded hesitantly. "It's just a little hard…but I need to do this. It's time."

"Brooke, if you don't want to do this, it's fine. Just tell me and I can call it all off. I'll call Nathan and Haley…I'll tell them you're not quite ready…whatever you want to do; just tell me." He pulled her closer towards his body, feeling the warmth she offered. "Whatever you want, okay?" He pressed a kiss against her forehead.

Brooke nodded against his chest and drew out a heavy breath. "I need to do this." She nodded. "I want to do this. It's been a year overdue."

A year.

It had been a whole year since their world fell apart, and in those three-hundred and sixty-five days they'd been striving to rebuild their foundation of what made them them.

And as the date marking a year since their son died approached, Brooke realized she really hadn't said an official goodbye. She hadn't attended the funeral, much to her regret, and it had been killing her inside every time she thought about it. And that's when she thought that they should have a ceremony. Nothing big; just small and quaint. Just she, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, and maybe Jamie, if Nathan and Haley decided he should go. Jamie had gone to the funeral the first time, however it was hard for the young boy to deal with it, and Nathan and Haley weren't sure if they wanted to put their son through that again. He'd been healing slowly over the year, but losing his cousin who also happened to be his best friend definitely hit him hard.

"Okay." He mumbled and wiped away her tears with his thumb. "I'm proud of you, Brooke."

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She moved her sunglasses from her eyes and placed them on top of her head, studying the gravestone. This was it. Her official goodbye to her son. It may have taken a whole year to do it, but if that's the time she needed to finally accept what had happened, then that was okay.

Her wounds had healed, but the scars would always remain.

Through her blurry eyes, Brooke caught a glimpse of a small body brush past her to place a small basketball down on the ground.

"Jamie." She cried out. That young boy had such a big heart; just like Alex had.

"Hey, Aunt Brooke…mama said I can come over here. She and daddy are talking to Uncle Luke."

Brooke nodded and offered Jamie a small smile.

"It was the ball me and Alex used to play with." He spoke as he gestured towards the orange rubber ball, much smaller than an average sized basketball. "I was…" He paused, looking back down at the ball. "I was gonna give it to him last time I was here…but I wasn't ready to give it up yet, Aunt Brooke. Do you think he's mad at me?"

"No, buddy." Brooke spoke with a whisper and shook her head. "It takes people some time to heal, that's all. He understands." She explained.

"You think so?" He asked hopefully.

"Of course."

"Good." Jamie answered quietly before he looked back up at her. "Aunt Brooke?"

"Yeah?"

"Is the new baby going to replace Alex?" He asked so innocently it made Brooke's heart break.

"Oh…oh, no, buddy." Brooke bent down to his level and took both his hands in hers. "Your cousin is never, ever going to be replaced. Okay?"

"Okay." Brooke watched as he responded and as tears filled his blue eyes. "'Cause I miss him sometimes, and I don't want to have to forget him."

"Nobody's going to forget Alex. And whenever you're feeling sad and need someone to talk to, you can come to me, because every now and then I could use a little cheering up, too. And we can talk all you want. You got that? "

Jamie nodded and leaned in to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around his small body and stroked his blonde hair. "I love you, Jamie. You're a great little boy, you know that?" She pulled away with tears in her eyes. "You wanna know a secret?"

He shook his head and eyed his aunt curiously.

"Your new baby cousin is going to be a girl." She told him something she hadn't even told Lucas yet.

"So Alex is going to have a baby sister?"

Brooke smiled and nodded, giving Jamie another hug.

"I think he'll like that." Jamie mumbled, his head resting on his aunt's shoulder.

"Me, too, buddy." Once they pulled apart she grabbed his hand as the two just stood there.

"We love you and we miss you, Alex. We'll be back to visit soon."

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**A/N – Okay please let me know what you thought. **

**Also, I'm gonna try my hardest to get "Straight From the Heart" updated; hopefully by tonight but I'm not making any promises.**

**Leave a review! Thanks! :)**

**--Melissa**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N – So this is the final chapter! I hope everyone enjoys it and leaves a final review!**

**Thanks: **othfan326, dolcegrazia, pink5288, princetongirl, Mosie1213, Erika x3, lusciiousx3hsm, Brucasforever09, brucas3, TeamxxBrucasxx, tanya2byour21, Brucasfan23, **and **brucas333. **Thanks so much!**

**Enjoy!**

**(Oh, just to let you know: there are a couple of flashbacks in this chapter (2 to be specific…each at completely different times, which I think you'll be able to figure out.) And I also skipped a few years at one point, but I do point that out in the chapter, so don't worry about that! Okay, enjoy it and review it!)**

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Searching For What We Lost

Chapter 16 -

"_Brooke." He spoke cautiously, careful not to alarm his wife. "What are you doing in here?" He asked, letting his eyes wander and take in the room. Blue painted walls, murals of basketball courts. _

_It was Alex's room._

"_I'm thinking." Brooke stated simply, motioning for Lucas to take a seat and join her on their deceased son's bed. "I'm not…" She paused to take a deep breath. "I'm not sure I want to clean out this room just yet. I feel like if I do, then I don't know, maybe all the memories will be gone. They'll just disappear. And I don't want that to happen. This room is like a piece of him that I'm just holding on to."_

_Lucas nodded and wrapped an arm around her small body. "I understand. We have other rooms to choose from…we don't have to put the new baby in this one." At the mention of their unborn daughter, he placed hand on Brooke's stomach, rubbing it affectionately. _

"_I know." She whispered. "I know…but on the other hand…I think I need to do this. Every time I walk by here, I swear, Luke, my heart just breaks into even tinier pieces. And I know that that's part of feeling the pain and it's normal, but I just don't know if I could bear it any longer."_

"_Clearing this room out, painting over the walls, refurnishing it…it's not going to change anything, Brooke. His memory will always be here, whether the walls are painted blue or pink, with basketballs or flowers. This room will always be Alex's first."_

"_You're right." She sighed, leaning into his body. "It'll be for the best." _

"_The painters are coming tomorrow. I'll start clearing the room out later." Lucas replied, kissing her head. "For now…I just want to sit here and hold you until you feel better."_

The second Brooke heard the shrilling sound of crying come from their newborn, she knew that all of their hard times, all days left wallowing, left feeling depressed, were over. Because this was their new beginning, and that was all that mattered.

It didn't mean that they'd never feel that pain again, because it was pretty obvious it'd always still be there. It'd always remain when they'd pass their backyard and take notice of the small basketball hoop as memories of their son enjoying the game would be remembered. It'd remain every April, the month of his birthday. And it'd remain every September, the month he died.

That pain, those memories, would forever be embedded in their lives; it was inevitable.

But their new beginning meant they would have something good to look forward to; like spending the rest of their life with their beautiful new daughter. She would be their new reason to live.

"We're going to be okay now, pretty girl." Lucas leaned in, whispering in her ear.

She nodded with a smile, beaming down at their daughter wrapped in a pink blanket. "I know."

The door creaked before them and in came Nathan, Haley, and Jamie, each carrying balloons, teddy bears, and other assorted items purchased from the hospital's gift shop.

"Hey, guys." Lucas smiled and got up from the bed where he sat with Brooke to give the other Scotts all hugs.

After receiving a hug from his uncle, Jamie walked up to Brooke with a warm smile. "Hey, aunt Brooke. How's my baby cousin doing?"

"She's doing great. How 'bout you come up here next to me…I think she wants to meet you."

"Really?" He asked excitedly.

"Of course."

"So." Haley walked over to Brooke with Nathan and Lucas following behind. Lucas walked past his two friends and back to his wife, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "What's the decided name?" Haley asked.

"Well." Brooke started, and stopped to give the baby's forehead a kiss. "I got a little help from my buddy Jamie over here." She smiled at the young boy and mouthed a thank you to him. "Her name is Alexandra Haley Scott. Alexandra is for Alex, that way one day when she's old enough we'll be able to tell her how special her name is." Brooke explained and looked over to Lucas next to her who smiled. "And of course Haley, for my best friend who has helped me tremendously." Brooke finished, looking towards Haley who had tears in her eyes.

As Brooke looked around the room of smiling faces, she realized this truly was her new beginning. She was getting the chance to make everything better.

And so far, it was working.

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**Five years later – **

"Go on, Ally. Me and daddy will be with you in a minute." Brooke said to her five-year-old watching her walk to a gravestone before turning around to face her husband.

"Brooke…what's on your mind?" Lucas asked, taking her hand in his.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "It's stupid but…every time we take her here I just feel like maybe we shouldn't have told her so young. I mean, she was the one that asked, but I don't know. I feel like by telling her what happened we scared her or something."

"I know Ally's young, but she seems fine. She likes coming here to talk to him." Lucas reassured her.

Brooke nodded. "So you don't regret telling her a few months ago?"

"No. I feel that she deserves to know about her brother. It's fine, Brooke…She's fine. I mean, look at her." Lucas gestured towards Alexandra who sat cross-legged in front of the grave, playing with the flowers she'd placed in front of it.

"Hey, big brother." They heard her say.

"You're right." Brooke told Lucas. "You're right." She smiled, proud to have raised such a great little girl. She took his hand as the two walked over to their daughter; glad in those small moments they all got to be a family.

Nearly six years ago that had been impossible. They were broken and dysfunctional and just a mess. But they had searched for their happiness, their bliss, their acceptance. And they had found it.

"_Ally! What did mommy tell you about going through her things?" Brooke, hands on hips, walked into her bedroom to find her four year old sitting on the floor with small boxes she must've dragged out from her mother's closet. _

_Brooke noticed Alexandra didn't move, yet instead was staring at a picture. _

"_Alexandra, what are you looking at?" She asked as she advanced towards her daughter._

_Alexandra turned around to face her mother and held up a small picture. "Who is he, mommy?" She pointed to a small blonde boy that stood next to her cousin Jamie. "Next to Jamie, who is that?" _

"_Ally, honey…"Brooke spoke, but turned around at the sound of Lucas stepping in the room. "Luke…" She spoke in a whisper. _

_At first Lucas was confused. What was going on? But as he walked closer to his daughter and saw the boxes of pictures on the floor it was impossible for him not to know what was happening._

"_It's okay, Brooke."_

"_Lucas…"_

"_Go ahead."_

_Brooke took a deep breath, not quite ready or quite sure of what to do next. She took a seat next to her daughter and asked Lucas to join them as she picked up Alexandra, placed her in her lap, and took the picture from her hand._

"_Ally…" She began and looked at Lucas for support._

"_That was Alex." Lucas said._

"_Alex?" The little girl looked up at her parents for further explanation._

"_Yes, honey. Alex." Brooke nodded, hugging Alexandra tighter. "And he would've been the best big brother ever."_

The End

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**A/N – And that's the story! I hope I wrote a good final chapter for you all!**

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story, it means a lot! I know it wasn't easy because this story was pretty sad and I did leave some pretty mean cliffhangers every now and then, but I hope it was worth it!!**

**Whether you've been reading from the start or have just started to read, please leave a final review!!**

**Thanks so much!!**

**--Melissa :)**


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